At the time of this writing, I’m prepping for a long weekend trip to Mammoth Cave National Park in Kentucky — by the time you read this, we’ll be back. It’s only a few hours from here, and somewhere my wife has always wanted to go.
However, leaving for four days brings up some issues for me about control and my lack of it. Let me explain.
Cats
When we moved to rural southern Illinois some six years ago, we brought our two cats with us. They, in turn, wound up attracting other stray cats from the neighborhood. After two litters of kittens were born in our potting shed, we made the call that every cat that came here would get fixed and a series of shots.
Some cats stayed after that, some didn’t. Right now, we care for ten cats, which includes food, treats, and vet visits. There are also some skittish strays who get fed, if not petted.
We also have a routine we go through every day: feeding, let them out for the day, and bring them in at night. It’s summer, so they love being outside, and sometimes they don’t come back in until late.
But now, we’re going to be gone for four days. We have a neighbor who will come to feed and clean up after them, but we can’t ask them to stick to our routine. They have a family of their own — they don’t need to be here at 11pm calling for our cats to come in.
So, we’re going to leave all the cats in the house while we’re gone, except one who will be boarded as she is under vet care. That way, we know they are safe.
So what’s the problem? Simple — nine cats in the house with no human supervision. What if they…? Or maybe they…? We… I mean, I… can’t do anything to keep them from destroying things or getting hurt or fussing with each other like I would normally.
Control Problems
This is a recurring issue for me. It’s one reason I can’t really get into watercolor — I can and do draw, because I know exactly where the lines are going. Watercolor doesn’t care what I want — it goes where it wants, and I can’t handle that.
I have a need to control things and people and situations, and if I am not controlling them, I get nervous. I plan a lot of things, and have routines for common scenarios, but what if something happens for which I don’t have a plan or routine? Now I’m trying to figure out the right way to deal with a situation or person, and there is only one shot to get it right. If I get it wrong, I don’t know what the consequences might be.
It’s a big reason why I don’t like arguing with people — I’m afraid I’m going to say something I cannot unsay, and I’ll burn the relationship. Or I won’t know how to respond to someone’s counter-argument, and wind up not getting done what I need to get done.
So how do I give up control and not be nervous?
Test Pilot
There is a story about Chuck Yeager’s flight in the Bell X1-A, where Yeager found himself in uncontrollable rocket plane, spinning and tumbling and completely at the mercy of the elements. I heard this story on the Cautionary Tales podcast a few weeks ago.
So what did Chuck Yeager, the legendary test pilot, do in this situation?
Nothing.
Oh, he tried to control the plane, but nothing worked. He let the situation ride — there was simply no way to control what was happening.
After a minute or so, the plane stopped it’s wild motion, and settled into a flat spin. Chuck knew how to recover from a flat spin, so he started to exert control again, recovering the aircraft and landing safely.
Lesson
My lesson, should I choose to learn it, is to do the same thing here — there is nothing else I can do to control the situation with my cats. I’ve done what I can — they are protected, have places to sleep, food to eat, water to drink, and litter boxes to use. They will be looked after by someone I trust, even if it’s not at the same level we would do ourselves.
There is simply nothing else I can do at this point.
Of course, there is nothing rational about anxiety, so while I know I’ve done everything, I still feel like I can and should do more. I’m not sure what that is, though. I just need to trust my own plan.
Wish me luck.